Love letter to Speculoos

lotusYou know when you do something even though you know it’s a bad idea? A terrible, brilliant idea? I did that when I bought biscuit spread/Speculoos, knowing full well that it’s 65% biscuit and I have a weakness for biscuits like some women have a weakness for men with big arms.

On the top of the jar there’s a little “TRY ME” sticker, on which you’re invited to write at least 15 words about the spread and send them to the company and get a nice little cheque for the price of the spread. “Ahha!” I thought. “I can do better than a mere 15 words! I’m a writer at heart after all!” Despite the fact that I’ve not written any poems since I was forced to at school about seven years ago, I started to think of fun things while I stirred my porridge and by the time I got on the tube to go to work, I had a seven-verse poem, with rhymes and everything.

 

 

I bought this spread for baking
But never got that far –
I accidentally ate it all
Straight out of the jar.

From the first wee nervous nibble
It made me gasp and wonder,
But I was on a diet then
And cursed it as a blunder.

But not a full week later
I put some in my shopping
And knew right then that come new year
My buttons would be popping.

I had such good intentions
To make some wholesome bakes
But now it’s in my tummy
Instead of in a cake.

I wrote this to say thank you
For this lovely biscuit dream,
But now that I have eaten it
I can’t fit in my jeans.

But please send me a little cheque
So I can buy some more,
And munch it using just a spoon
Upon my kitchen floor.

For you lot have created what
My waistline’s come to dread.
Despite it all, I’ve no regrets:
I love you, Lotus spread.

The lady behind The Dinner Bell! I’m that person who doesn’t let you leave their flat without eating something, and will probably press a parcel of cookies or cake into your hands as you head to the door.

I’m a sub-editor by day, avid book-reader by night, and octopus fan always. I live in north London, but little bits of my heart still belong to Norfolk, where I grew up, and Sheffield, where I went to uni and finally lost my bumpkin accent.

Filed under Misc.

The lady behind The Dinner Bell! I'm that person who doesn't let you leave their flat without eating something, and will probably press a parcel of cookies or cake into your hands as you head to the door. I’m a sub-editor by day, avid book-reader by night, and octopus fan always. I live in north London, but little bits of my heart still belong to Norfolk, where I grew up, and Sheffield, where I went to uni and finally lost my bumpkin accent.

2 Comments

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